“I thought everything would be immediately perfect. I thought I’d feel good. But my mind keeps sowing doubts.” That’s what Dan said, as he described his weekend of moving out of the house he’d shared with his wife for over ten years. It marked a two year period of separation and reflection. “I had a similar experience,” I told him. “I knew that I couldn’t stay, but moving out shook up my world. It moved me into the uncomfortable, unknown. And the feelings of discomfort were similar when I decided to make a career change and leave the corporate world.
When we feel prompted to make big changes, there’s an expectation of automatic relief, of instant results. And sometimes that’s the result, but sometimes it’s an opportunity for self-sabotage. “Yeah,” my friend said. “When I’m at home in this tiny flat with my dog, I think about the comforts I had in the shared house with my ex. Or when I go out to hunt for chanterelles, I have fond thoughts of when we did this together. The worst is my mind.” He paused and stared out the window at the rain. “My mind keeps playing tricks on me. Sowing doubts. Did I do the right thing?”
I sipped some hot tea and remembered the painful time when I went through a similar break. My heart ached and my mind tried to convince me of how stupid I was, even though I knew I wasn’t.
“Yeah,” he said. “When I remember the energy, how drained I felt around her. The drag. It was deadening my soul. When I remember the feelings that pushed me to make the choice, I know it’s right.”
“Your spirit knew,” I said. “Your soul nudged you to go. Same happened to me. I knew that I simply couldn’t stay and fit into the mold my partner wanted me to fit. And he refused to accept me as I was.” And it was the same with my corporate job. An inner nudging told me, “It’s time for a change.” I also knew that the changes, once I committed to them, would not be easy. Not always. But ease and comfort are different than adventure and growth.
We’re in a world of constant change. And we no longer have the luxury of sitting back and doing nothing. If the changes we feel nudged to make are not acted upon, then quite often our outer circumstances change and force us to move on in some other way.
I like taking the initiative and moving with foresight and stepping across the threshold into the uncomfortable and unknown, rather than being pushed out by some other external force. It’s the difference between being conscious and accepting the changes or resisting and struggling to keep things the same. The later is a losing course. Being attuned to the nudges of your spirit will give you a heads up, an advance insight on things that are coming. It may not feel easy and good at the moment, because it takes time for the physical, more dense material world to align with inner life — sometimes. Then there are perfect moments where everything magically and effortlessly falls into place. I love this. I choose this.
Copyright Debra Moffitt, 2015. No portion of this post or blog may be reproduced in any manner without prior written consent. Please see the “About” page for permission form and details.