“I’m BAFFLED that anyone might not think women get more BEAUTIFUL as they get older. Confidence comes with AGE.” – Kate Winslet
By Debra Moffitt
An Ageless Woman’s Hip Attitudes to Being in the Moment When the Unexpected Arrives
“I wasn’t looking for younger men,” Mary says. An internationally renowned yoga teacher with sparkling blue eyes and blond hair. “They seem to find me. Maybe it’s because I look younger. In any case, it’s a delightful surprise.” Mary’s radiance and vitality give people the impression that she’s ten or fifteen years younger than her age. The last three men in her life have varied between 10 and more than 20 years her junior.
While media may make you think this somewhat taboo phenomenon of younger men dating older women is relegated to the ranks of celebrities like Tina Turner, Oprah, and Demi Moore, it’s actually more and more common, but societal attitudes haven’t quite caught up to the times.
While generally no heads turn when a man walks down the street arm in arm with a woman who looks his daughter’s age, when the situation is switched, women are considered predators and labelled “cougars”, but that’s far from the reality. The men who are seeking out these ageless vibrant women are not looking for safe mother figures, but rather seem to want sexually comfortable, mature women who they can have an intelligent conversation with. When asked about society’s views, Mary says “My father has a double standard. He sometimes dates women only a few years older than me.” But when she chooses to do the same, he frowns on the idea.
“While I realize these are generalizations and don’t apply to all men, part of my attraction to younger men and my experience is that they are less wounded; they don’t cling to past hurts, therefore they are less stoic,” Mary says. Older men she dated were often only interested in one night hookups and they wouldn’t open up emotionally. “Younger guys are more open and curious. Plus they’re willing to participate in a relationship.”
The first younger man Mary partnered with, crossed her path and pursued her in an airport. He was a gorgeous professional dancer, ten years younger than her. “When I was married to a man ten years older, I never thought about the age gap.” But when the tables turned she had to work on her insecurities, she says. “I reluctantly got involved. And my age was of no consequence to him. In fact, he found it sexy.” Their relationship lasted several years.
Mary feels men may be attracted to more mature women for several reasons. “We’re more secure. We’re not needy and looking for a husband. And we’re sexually more comfortable with our bodies. The biggest challenge lies in my own head,” she says. “I ask myself, ‘why does he want to be with me?’” And she feels the pressure of wanting to keep her body in good shape.
Her advice to younger men interested in dating older women:
- “Treat us like the queens that we are.”
- Be emotionally available.
- Be loving, passionate, and take time.
For women with younger men, Mary says, “Be secure. If he’s interested in you, he’s interested in you and don’t’ doubt it. Embrace the moment.”
Copyright Debra Moffitt 2015. No portion of this blog may be used, reprinted, or reposted without prior written consent. See “About” page for details and permissions.